Today's the Day: Arrival Day!

I keep thinking that today, of all days, I need to write a post. Though I admit, it is a little weird calling attention to one's special day that others may not have or even be able to understand. See, today marks the 29th anniversary of a small baby making the trip to America. She is one of many silent migrations from the East to West.

Today, December 2nd, was dreary, stressful, and at times, chaotic. Of all days, I thought this would be the easiest day. All I had to do was sit, talk to students, sit, listen to graduate students present papers. Well, I crammed too many students into a meeting time period, one student tested my limits of patience, while another seemed to be totally clueless as to where his paper was going, and basically wanted me to write the paper for him. Lunch was so rushed, I got a bagel (not toasted) with cream cheese... but things looked up because I got a free chocolate pudding!

After an extended period of office hours, I went to my graduate class, thinking I would have some form of reprieve. Instead, I was met with some frustrating peer presentation whose very existence and failure made me wonder if I could do better and how had I ended up in Binghamton. Surely my being here was a mistake... voices kept telling me that I would fail. I needed a hug. I needed to be told I was someone of worth; precious to at least one person.

I have many fears. I have many doubts. One thing in my entire life have I never doubted: my family loves and cherishes me. All my life, I have been told I am a joy, a gift. Today, I realized that without doubting times (such as today), we cannot fully appreciate the good, joyful times. Today, when my family told me they love me and that they are proud, I needed their approval, their praise. Today, I am not taking for granted the positives and knowing that someone...even a group of people believe I am capable, intelligent, and more importantly, someone worth loving.

Arrival Day: 29 years ago, I "arrived" in the US, not cognitively aware of the situations I would face, but now I realize that each Arrival day I continue to realize how far I have come, where I have been, and that some things, like my family's love remain a blessed constant.