Birthmother: clarification apparently needed

Well, I think my last blog caused quite a splash... apparently, I'm whining or something... I guess I need to make the purpose of this blog clear....

Yes, I am adopted, no, I don't think of it as any hinderance... I think of it as something that happened as if someone were born into a family... I was brought into a family. I'm not begrudging of this fact or happenstance...it's something that happened, and if you want my personal opinion and not academic opinion, this was a gift given to me by God since He knew my birthmother could not take care of me (there are multiple reasons why she could not, if you want the full list, please feel free to email me).

As of now, I'm studying the idea/concept of adoption through the lens of adoptees...specifically Korean American Adoptees... and the way I do this is through literature: first-hand accounts of the adoptee him or herself. See, when I was younger, I wanted to know about other people like me...who were adopted...and could not help but notice they were different thought of their situation. Perhaps this is a little narcissistic of me... all I know is that I wanted to see what other people in my particular situation thought of their situation as well. While growing up, I was told I was special, chosen since I was adopted, now that I discuss my experience, I am shocked to hear people telling me to quit whining and that I should cease discussing aspects of the international adoption phenomena since it's something that just "Happens" and my pointing it out would do something to defeat the purpose of "norming" the situation of international adoption.

Personally, I believe that if the Native American and African American community can protest the idea of interracial adoption on the basis that it's "Cultural Genocide"* or that some of fellow International Adoptees can protest the idea of International Adoption on the basis of "International Kidnapping" or "Western Imperialism,"* surely I can put in my own ideas of Interracial and International adoption with a positive attitude, light, and reveal how I personally feel about my own situation, which is not bad at all... actually, if you ask me personally, I say that I have a very good life and am very blessed.
     *(This has actually happened... I have textual proof of both of these)

With this said, I will now clarify some of the things I was trying to say in my last post. First I will list them and then if you need further information, you're more than welcome to ask for it:

1) Never did I say that the Birthmother would impose herself on the child she gave up. What I said is that there are well-meaning people surrounding both the birthmother and adoptee, who may unintentionally force something, a relationship or "reunion," that one or both parties may not want at that particular point in time in their lives.

2) When I said "real," I meant the mother relationship as identified by the adoptee. If I were to meet my birthmother, I would call her Mother, but to me, she would not be my "Mommy." In other words, due to my situation, my birthmother never had a chance to give any parenting to me, and therefore, she does not hold title of mother... perhaps this would change over time if I were to meet her, but I since I have not experienced her as a mother figure, I cannot say that she is a tangible mothering type to me...other than the fact she gave birth to me. This may sound harsh, but I'm putting this in as simplistic terms as possible.

3) Never did I say that this is every adoptee's perspective. This is my perspective, my lens, and how I am processing information that I have recieved. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just happen to post mine on a blog, that I thought some would be interested to read since people keep asking me what I think. I am posting MY thoughts... MY feelings... not everyone's view. If you all would like to see how other adoptees feel about their situation, I'd be more than happy to give you their works, and see how their particular views compare to mine.

4) I do not judge my birthmother; I highly respect her, despite my seemingly curt summaries/explanations of my relationship with her is now. What I am judging are people who believe they are acting in the best interest of the birthmother and adoptee, and forcing or contriving a reunion with the two. What I am judging are people who tell the birthmother or adoptee how to feel or what they are feeling. I've had this happen to me, and the result was not pretty... it ended in 3 years of therapy... which I admit, could have been worse, but I digress.

I love my family. I love my friends. I love my life. This blog is meant to process my own thoughts as an adoptee, not to judge. As with most blogs, what you can read is my opinion, not absolute fact. You're more than welcome to disagree with me, but I ask that you refrain from telling me how to feel; it's something I've been combating since the preacher told me to stop inquiring about my birthmother because it was hurting my parents' feelings and revealing the fact I was not a grateful child.  Thank you.