Marriage...

Marriage... two shall become one... blah blah, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love being married. I don't regret one thing about marrying my husband... hehe, yeah I realize it's only been a month and I should give it time, but I already know I don't regret it.

While many children were dreaming of their wedding, I dreamt about the groom. I never just said that he was "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Perfect." His face was always changing... as was his personality, height, and other random things...including race.

In all honesty, when I was younger, I always thought of the groom as white. Never did I really consider anything else... I mean, at some point in time, every girl dreams of having someone who looks similar to her father. Growing up in a white family, the color issue was never an "issue," it was just that white was the "norm" and what was in my "bubble" of a world.

What's funny is that people took my appearance into consideration every turn I made. When I was in 5th grade, kids tried to pair me up with the only Asian boy in the class. Come to think of it, my first Asian best friend (until then, I was always the ONLY Asian at school!) was the one who did that, and I think she did it to me so people would stop doing it to her!

The question of "Do you think you'll end up with someone white or Asian?" always seemed to be a key point of interest... truth be told, when I was in Korea, I avoided white guys like the plague 'cause I kept getting the sense they all had "yellow fever" (where you are attracted to the Asian female stereotype more so than the Asian woman herself). The one white guy I did hang out with, probably had "yellow fever" but not for me, so I didn't consider it... though I did tell him that term creeped me out! I am far from the type a "yellow fever" guy would want: I can barely cook, never subservient, stubborn as hell, and will never think of any guy or girl as "my saving hero."

However, in Korea, I began to realize that, yes, an Asian guy could be a possibility. Heck, I think in college I realized that to be a possibility as with any race. Why not? I hated it when guys passed me by just because I didn't look the part of Southern girl... far be it from me to do the same to anyone else!

Before I ended up dating my now husband. I told my mom that the Southern boys in Alabama would never date me, because I didn't look like someone they could bring home to meet Dad, Mom, and the Grandparents. Mom then reminded me, "if your looks will be a problem, why would you want to date them?" Very true, Mom. Very true.

My ex-boyfriend worried about me meeting his grandfather...and I never did meet the grandfather...my ex didn't think his grandfather would like the fact I was Asian. To my ex's credit, he did say something about how he would have stood up for me...but why should he have to?

Looking back at it, I am reminded again how wonderful it is to have the husband I have. When he met me, he thought, "Cute girl." When he found out I was adopted, it didn't phase him: his cousin is adopted from Korea. His family was used to the idea of adoption, so the questions that normally came from inquiring minds had already be satiated. When they met me, they saw me... sure they noticed I was Asian, but there wasn't the odd stammering or "Where are you originally from?" I felt at home with his family... thank goodness, 'cause all 20-something of us were in one house for a week!

When I met my husband, I didn't think "white guy." I thought "sweet guy... guy who's paying attention to me WAY more than my current boyfriend... guy who's proving himself to me." Now, I'll admit, I did wonder what other people saw when they saw him and me together. I know I shouldn't, but it's natural.

I mean, put yourself in my shoes... you are walking down the street, you see an Asian couple walk by, do you look twice when you hear them speaking perfect English? Or what about the interracial couple: they could be black and white, black and asian, white and hispanic, etc., what do you think? This was something I've dealt with my entire life. I wondered what people thought of my parents and I walking around, or me and my sister, or my brother and me. But in the end, I realized something: What does it matter? I know my parents are MY parents....not a white couple showing around a foreign exchange student... that my sister is my sister....my brother is my brother!

Why should other people dictate who I end up with? So what if they assume things? You would think this would be a DUH! But it did take me a while work out in my head. The end result?

I know there will still be people who ask me if he and I met while he was stationed in Asia... I know there will be people who will stare just because they think it's odd... but I realize that people will stare in other ways too. People will stare in jealousy that a couple could be so happy together... people will stare in awe of how he looks at me with such admiration... people will smile at us because we can be goofy and laugh at each other....

People will stare at our children... People will ask questions both in their minds and out loud. I've realized though, that only we and the people we hold close will have the answers; the true answers. Since he and I already know, what's it to others? Let them stare...